Before you start reading this article, I need you to take a deep breath! Are you with me? Here we go. Inhale and now exhale for a count of 1, 2, 3, and 4…….
Release…..
Now that your mind and body may be more centered, let’s have a real talk!
Are You Really Showing Up for Yourself?
If you and I are honest with ourselves, which we absolutely need to be. We can admit that at some point in our lives, we’ve been guilty of not showing up ourselves and we haven’t put in the work needed to succeed. Often when this happens, we blame our parents, our bosses, our partners, our lack of education and the list at times can be exhaustive with reasons for why we haven’t reached the goals we have set for ourselves!
I Was Stuck!
At one point in my life, I blamed my gender and the color of my skin for why I wasn’t where I wanted to be. Were these real barriers in my life? Without a shadow of a doubt they were. I have experienced traumatic experiences based on these factors including micro-aggression’s, sexism and racism! I choose not to undo or ignore my lived experiences.
We Have to Take Accountability!
However, once I realized that I was in control of my life, I was left with a choice to confront how I allowed things outside of my control and negative situations from my past to stop me from moving forward in life! Confronting these areas of my life took courage and led me to confront my inaction, my fears, my unstable childhood that formed many of my limiting self-beliefs and so much more. It was exhausting but nonetheless it was a necessary step required to get unstuck in my life!
What about You?
Have you been showing up as the wounded victim in your life believing you don’t have control of your life? Do you have a fixed mindset versus a growth mindset and don’t believe you’re the boss of your own life? Have you allowed years to pass you by without aiming for a more fulfilled life due to the fact that you’re holding on to the offense of your last employer or last partner who mistreated you? If this is you, this isn’t the time to judge yourself.
It is time to confront your lived experiences and accept that they were hurtful, but it’s also time to heal and commit to showing up in your own life! If you’re tired of not being the boss of your own life, use the following tips to help move you forward!
Tip #1. Take Good Care of Yourself
It’s much easier to be positive and feel you’re in control of your life when you’re eating well, exercising, and getting enough rest. Take better care of yourself by creating daily health and wellness goals and hold yourself accountable. Sometimes when we’ve been hurt, you may not feel like moving your body and you reach for unhealthy comfort foods. This can create a vicious cycle of depression and poor health outcomes.
Tip # 2: Remind Yourself of the Things You’re Grateful For
Stresses and challenges that make you feel out of control of your life don’t seem quite as bad when you’re constantly reminding yourself of the things that are right in your life. Get centered daily with your gratitude by taking just 60 seconds a day to stop and appreciate the good things in your life, this will make a huge difference. No, the relationship, move or job didn’t work out for you, but what did you learn from this experience and how can this experience help you become wiser in the future?
Tip # 3: Stop Reacting and Start Responding
When we feel our lives are out of control, we often “react” to situations out of fear rather than “respond” to situations out of patience and love. Therefore, the next time you find yourself reacting versus responding, ask yourself, “why do I feel out of control in this situation and what can I do to get rid of this fear”?
Tip # 4: Refrain from Using Absolutes
Have you ever told a partner, “You’re ALWAYS late!” or complained to a friend, “You NEVER call me!”? Or said “Things in my life NEVER work?” Thinking and speaking in absolutes by using words like ‘always’ and ‘never’ can contribute to you feeling like your life and the people in your life are out of control. Change this narrative by using “I statements” such as, “I feel that time is a challenge for you when it comes to going places and doing things together”. Using “I” statements versus “absolute” statements help you create a healthier narrative around the relationships in your life and with yourself.
Tip # 5: Stop Ruminating
If you find yourself ruminating or replaying negative thoughts over and over about what’s going wrong in your life, a great way to stop this thinking pattern is to interrupt the pattern of negative thinking when it happens and force yourself to do something completely different. Rumination is a hyper-focus on repeating negative thoughts. To decrease your rumination patterns, try changing your physical environment – go for a walk or sit outside, journal or seek help to better understand your thinking patterns (Therapy was one of the best gifts I gave myself). You could also call a friend, pick up a book, or turn on some music. This will help you feel redirect your thoughts in a more positive direction.
Life is a Journey Not a Sprint!
As a survivor of domestic violence and a woman who at one point in her life was in a very dark place mentally and emotionally, I acknowledge your struggles and understand that life is packed with many ups and downs. Therefore, when your life feels out of control and you begin to focus on what’s not working, pause and take a deep breath. After your deep breath, think about all the people and things that bring joy and happiness into your life. Be gentle and remind yourself that you’re the boss of your life and not a victim. From there, be honest with yourself about where you lost control and take small daily action steps needed to help you get back on track to a life that excites you again!
Need a Little Help to Get There?
If you’re feeling stuck in your personal and professional life, you’re not alone in your struggles! We’ve helped over 20,000 women learn the tools they need to take charge of their personal and professional life by learning “how” to assertively communicate what they want need and desire, “how” to set healthy boundaries in and out of the workplace, “how” to stop playing small by confronting limiting-belief systems and how to leverage their past struggles as a strength and not a setback! If you’re ready to take back control of your life, our 6-week DIY program N-powered to the Next Level is the tool to help you get there!
You’re worth the time, investment and resources needed to create the life you desire and deserve!
Laticia “Action” Jackson
